the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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