So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
