Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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