ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
