thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
