I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
