The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
