ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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