worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
