he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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