you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
