She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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