john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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