Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize