I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
