I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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