I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
