im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
