Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
