Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
