Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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