I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
