you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We need to rekindle our bromance
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
