if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
