Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
high people should be assigned attendants
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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