i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
