I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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