i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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