That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
