Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize