My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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