I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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