he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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