Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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