And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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