oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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