Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
