I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
