i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
