after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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