Reggie can tackle my bush.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
