Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
