it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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