My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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