im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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