We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
