She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize