Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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