Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
