Kiss
Puke
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
