I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
