dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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