Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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