I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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