the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
