recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
