I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
