On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
