I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize