Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
