i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
