she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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