I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
