This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
