took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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