If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize