and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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