Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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